Don't Discount Child's Back-to-School Fears

The O.C. Register
Sandy McDaniel

Q.My daughter is awakening at night and increasingly difficult to be with. I followed your suggestion and asked her what she would change about her life if she had a magic wand. She responded, "Going back to school." I don't understand. As I told her, "You have friends, your grades are good, so you have no reason to be nervous." What else could I say?

A.Change is hard for children and for adults. In school there are a lot of unknown factors in the equation: What will the new teacher be like? Will he/she like me? Who will be in my classroom? Will it be different from last year, and if yes, how? The unknown is upsetting to adults; these are children with less experience upon which to draw for their answers.
I think it is dangerous to tell children how to feel or how not to feel: "You have no reason to feel nervous." How do you know? Are you a wizard who sees all, knows all? No. Maybe there is a reason for the fear. It is best to honor a fear and move toward finding a solution.
Having a play date with children from your child's school gives that child a bridge that is crossable – or, to say it plainly, someone she knows when she goes back to school.
If you know your child's teacher(s), you could call the school and arrange a meeting before school starts.
One of the ways I talk about fears is to use the example of walking out onto a diving board. The first time you did that, it was plenty scary. You wobbled out to the end of the board and stood there wishing you had not gone there. Walking back was too frightening, so eventually you jumped into the water – only to find it was a fun thing to do.
Tell your daughter, "You are not on the diving board yet. There is still some summer fun left. Don't get on the diving board until it is time. Then we will walk out onto the board, count together and jump into school on the day school starts."
If your child could learn to live today, today and not run ahead worrying about tomorrow, he/she would know a skill you as parents might not know. Live one day at a time and see if that changes your priorities.
Some children are square pegs trying to fit in a round hole called school. Those children are experiencing fear as the beginning of school approaches (or as it is under way.) Have reasonable standards, create a homework place and see that homework is completed, and communicate with the teacher(s) to know your child's progress. Many children drown in the first part of school. Keep a sharp eye on your child as school begins to be sure that he/she builds on success.
One more time, if your children have not started school yet, get them on the school schedule now! Start having school bedtimes. Decrease the amount of sugar they eat. Get them up at the same time you will be doing so when school starts. Get all their school supplies together and organized right now. Be sure they have appropriate school clothes and shoes.

Labels: back to school blues

 posted by Jane